The Tale of The Fed Up Father and The Troublesome Bouncy Ball

August 19, 2009 at 3:09 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment
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Cleaning house on my computer and so i present Yet Another DU Article:

Will’s account of his needy Tamagatchi brings to mind an anecdote of my own.

Several years ago my sibling obtained a rubber bouncy ball. The toy was one of those sparkly affairs with a noise making mechanism embedded in the middle that activated when the ball hit a surface. At first, it was all fun and games – bouncing the toy off our heads and chucking it at each other’s butts. And then things changed. The ball made noises when it lay in a corner, untouched. Nothing could stop it. We tried exorcism, the Ghostbusters, and forcing it to listen to NPR. The dog refused to fetch it. We resorted to stuffing it inside a teddy bear, inside a blanket, inside a pillowcase, inside a shoebox and under a pile of clothes in the sibling’s room that had been there so long MapQuest listed it at its own address. Our peace did not last long, for within days it was at its antics again, blasting its alarm – through the clothes and shoebox and pillowcase and blanket and teddy bear – at an ungodly morning hour. My father was not pleased. He stormed into the sibling’s room, extracted the ball, marched to the end of our street, and catapulted the toy into the canyon.
Sometimes, if you listen closely at night, you can hear it screeching with the coyotes at the moon.


Oh, the education.

August 19, 2009 at 3:06 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment
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Over the last half a decade it seems as if the administration has been playing 52 card pickup with the school’s future. Dress uniform days relocated thrice in that time, uniform dress codes oscillate like political polls, staff turnover is increasing (though this is likely due to the gutted housing economy in California), the million dollar hellion of a science building that stands – limps – on the outskirts of campus, a WWI style barrage of misguided drug talks, and not one but two conspiracy theorists (condoms & Zodaic) hijacked assemblies to reach the student forum. Whew.
As recent speaker, CNN honcho, Jonathan Klein, might agree: at least one equation seems balanced. The 07-08 assembly speaker roster is a great improvement on recent years. I’m not just saying that because Larry King’s projected face referred to me indirectly. Twice. The speakers’ fame however did not prove to be the tipping point. Klein’s presentation was “eh” (frankly any journalist could have delivered his speech) and the Q&A brief. Somers, Dallek, Rev. Kyle, and Cantus combined in a fairly well mixed cocktail of engaging and intellectual if not bearable assemblies. Cheers to that. And while I take issue with the standing ovations that have risen to follow those presentations this season, that’s for another article, another late out-fishing-for-topics night.

The Daily Urinal and school plagues.

December 4, 2008 at 11:39 am | Posted in writing | Leave a comment
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My high school, a small private affair, was a typical prep-school. It was even once an all girls boarding school. We wore uniforms (saddle shoes every day for six years. No wonder I have no sense of fashion in college). We had a milk break.

In 2004 a student started the daily one-sheet, two-column newspaper “The Daily Urinal”. It was originally politically (and conservatively) slanted but has morphed since then into a hotbed forum for students to talk (rant) about pretty much anything. The DU published silly debates (which sport is better) or serious ones (political, school policy) between students or students and teachers. One boy’s article attacking the lack of diversity at school caused a large schism among students and staff alike. The administration got involved. This was, I think, the point at which the DU surpassed the school paper as “the” paper to read. The DU began a small circulation to only boys bathrooms. The staff was completely male, though they accepted guest articles from either gender. I wrote several guest articles. My junior year they began staffing one female who wrote under a pseudonym and revealed her identity at the end of the year. I was the female staff writer in 2008 writing under the name James Tiptree.

Here is one article I wrote:

San Francisco Zookeepers Mystified on Escape Again Attention urinators: It’s time to dust off your gas masks, fight like rabid soccer moms for the Costco sized hand sanitizers (or just steal Hartman’s), and haul out your ever-handy full body bubble. Two kids were not-so-mysteriously missing from my math class today. I saw the nurse make the somber call to a seventh grader’s parents on Friday. Honey, it’s baaack. The ’06 winter plague escaped from its inadequate cardboard box enclosure at the San Francisco Zoo and it smells juicy Bishop’s immune systems.

The plague did a number on us last winter, depleting class sizes to the actual student teacher ratio Bishop’s advertises on its pamphlets. It ruined my perfect attendance record – not that I didn’t try my best to knock my mother out so that I could go to school. But it seems for the millionth time that my mother had a point – and this time it was a good one (I love you mom). The plague is a sadistic machine that feeds on our fear of missing school, ending up at Parker, and consequently failing at life. Thus, we stumble to class to share fevers and phlegm and other bodily fluids that should be spread to siblings at home rather than to our schoolmates. It’s fun to brag that you suffered swallowing your stomach contents so that you wouldn’t miss APUSH. It isn’t as much fun for the three kids in APUSH and your Spanish teacher that you infected. So rather than making it easier for the aliens to beam us away for their many experiments do us all a favor and stay home.


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