Alright, doc, keep your hands where i can see them!

July 30, 2008 at 2:56 pm | Posted in health | Leave a comment
Tags: , , , , , ,

I walk into the medical district and my skin loses the tan I got from swimming, the slight brownish Filipino pallor I stole from my father, and any dirt that might hide the sudden glaring white that has taken up residence as my face. Doctor visits mean sitting on a papered table (depending on the type of visit, it may be a stirruped table), naked and freezing, while your doctor pulls on latex gloves and decides which part of your body to attack with pokes and prods first. And at the end of the visit, the reward is occasionally a stick in the arm with a needle or two.

I had a gynocologist appointment today to refill my birth control pills before I go off to college. My gynocologist is young, pretty, and nice. I’m just not to fond of her hands. I KNOW where they’ve been.

I parked at a nearby church because it was a) free b) close and c) I didn’t have to parallel on the street which is my worst nightmare. Parking is not my forte. I hopped the fairly large perimeter wall that backed up to the doctor’s office partly because I’ve never hopped anything and it felt kind of stealth, but mostly because I didn’t want to walk the whole way around.

I was sitting on a stirruped and papered chair, clutching the thin paper robe to me, when the doctor walked in. She immediately looked at me and asked, “Are you okay?” Well, yes, doc you just keep those latexed hands where I can see them and we’ll be just fine. I just nodded my head yes and imagined all the terrible things that were going to happen in the next five minutes. Have I ever mentioned that I have an excellent imagination?

While I was waiting for her to come into the room, I was desperately trying to figure out conversation topics. What do you talk about when someone is feeling you up?  I felt like cracking out the 3×5 index cards. So, Obama or McCain? Do you call it a chicken thigh or a second joint?

I could power the world if electricity = awkward moments in my life.

But seriously, how do you talk about anything during a breast exam unawkwardly?

For the record let it be noted that this is the second time this month I’ve been felt up (once, my thyroid and now the old fashioned way) by doctors. e_e

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Word association game between my sister and I (the following are references to Dr. Horrible’s Sing-A-Long Blog):

Sister: hammer
Me: Captain
Sister: Neil Patrick Harris
Me: hot
Sister: gay!
Me: DAMN!

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I saw The Dark Knight and I am sorry to disappoint you fanatics but I did not swoon. Ledger was great, I would never have guessed it was him if i hadn’t known before hand who the actor was. But the script needed work. The movie was long and I can live with long but there was no need for the extra 30 minutes in this script. Two-Face seemed like a last second villain addendum. Seriously? I liked the social experiment of the Joker’s. Rachel?!?! I like Maggie better than Katie Holmes, but I wish Rachel had a more developed character. She’s only useful as bait, it seems, which is typical of women co-leads. At least she has some feist. (funny line: “Drop her!” “What a poor choice of words.”)

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