A snake ate my homework. And my car. And Iraq.

July 7, 2008 at 8:32 pm | Posted in Random Thoughts | 1 Comment
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I found another friggin’ alien escapee bug in the house. It was in the trashcan (but alive). I suppose it knew that’s where it belonged. Only I was hoping it would be with less leggy movement. Father claims to “just love” those bugs. Like they were the harmless happy bunny. Riggght. Stepmother actually agrees with me on this one. Those bugs need serious ghostbusting.

Later, over some quick takeout before we went to see Get Smart, someone mentioned that on Animal Planet they showed a snake that had eaten an alligator. Full on swallowed it. The alligator didn’t go down without a fight before it died. It split the snake in half after being swallowed. Snakes have crazy digestive systems. They can eat cars. Probably small planets. Homework, definitely. That awesome fact does not make them any less creepy to my girlie gene. Spiders, alien bugs, and snakes. My girlie achilles heel if you will. I used to think snakes were cool, actually. I even wanted one as a pet (until I found out about feeding them live mice). And then for some reason one day I started picturing tiny snakes wiggling at the speed of light and launching themselves at my neck. Hello nightmares, goodbye dreams of a pet snake.

Apparently snakes are a huge problem in the Florida Everglades. The Everglades is the perfect environment for snakes to thrive in. People buy snakes as pets and then, when they get too big for comfort, they release their snakes into the Everglades. The problem is so bad there is a separate unit of animal control (called Anti Venom) just to deal with snakes. Personally, I think there should be another unit dedicated to THE FUCKING ASSHOLES THAT BUY AND THEN RELEASE THOSE SNAKES. The hurricanes don’t help any, displacing a lot of animals. Which is why I am never going to Florida ever again. I can just imagine being caught in the middle of a hurricane and the wind whips a few lone snakes at your head. My neck is getting all scrunched up just thinking about this. Aghghhg. ew.

If snakes pwn alligator, what the bloody fuck beats snake? OWL? Mother Nature, you baffle me.

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  1. ha ha. you are awesome.

    gender socialization is a bitch, in my opinion.
    I have nightmares about snakes that crawl *out* of my skin. and then I wake up, crawling out of it myself. and screaming, of course. always screaming. 😉


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