Short Stories: How Women Work.

July 1, 2008 at 12:06 pm | Posted in humor | 1 Comment
Tags:

A guy who thinks he is the “best catch”:

http://www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com/dimitri.mp3 .

stories stolen from a chain letter once upon a time.  
         
        WOMEN’S REVENGE
        “Cash, check or charge?” I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
        As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
        “So, do you always carry your TV remote?” I asked.
        “No,” she replied, “but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
        and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.”


        ________________________________         
        UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
        (A MAN’S PERSPECTIVE)
        I know I’m not going to understand women.
        I’ll never und erstand how you can take boiling hot wax,
        pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
        and still be afraid of a spider.
        _______________________________
         
        MARRIAGE SEMINAR
        While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
        Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,
        “It is essential that husbands and wives know each other’s likes and dislikes.”
        He addressed the man,
        “Can you name your wife’s favorite flower?”
        Tom leaned over, touched his wife’s arm gently and whispered, “It’s Pillsbury, isn’t it?
        _____________________
        CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
        A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.
        The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
        He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
        She directs him down the correct aisle.
        A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
        She says, confused, “Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
        He answers, “You see, it’s like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store
        to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco
        and some rolling papers; cause it’s sooo-ooo–oo- ooo much cheaper.
        So, I figure if I have to roll my own ………. so does she.
        _________________________
        WIFE VS. HUSBAND
        A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
        An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
        neither of them wanted to concede their position.
        As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
        the husband asked sarcastically, “Relatives of yours?”
        “Yep,” the wife replied, “in-laws.
        ____________________________
        WORDS
        A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day…
        30,000 to a man’s 15,000.
        The wife replied, “The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men…
        The husband then turned to his wife and asked, “What?”
        ____________________________
        CREATION
        A man said to his wife one day, “I don’t know how you can be
        so stupid and so beautiful all at the s ame time.
        “The wife responded, “Allow me to explain.
        God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
        God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
        ________________________________
        WHO DOES WHAT
        A man and his wife were having an argument about who
        should brew the coffee each morning.
        The wife said, “You should do it because you get up first,
        and then we don’t have to wait as long to get our coffee.
        The husband said, “You are in charge of cooking around here and
        you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.”
        Wife replies, “No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.”
        Husband replies, “I can’t believe that, show me.”
        So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says “HEBREWS”
        ________________________________         
  THE SILENT TREATMENT
        A man and his wife were having some problems at home
        and were giving each other the silent treatment.
        Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him
        at 5:0 0 AM for an early morning business flight.
        Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
        “Please wake me at 5:00 AM.” He left it where he knew she would find it.
        The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife had n’t wakened him,
        when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
        The paper said, “It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.”
        Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

Advertisements

1 Comment »

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI

  1. I really enjoyed this, so warm thanks.

    I’ve blogged about ‘humour – where DOES it come from?’

    I wonder what you think?

    Url: http://catchthevision.wordpress.com


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Blog at WordPress.com.
Entries and comments feeds.

%d bloggers like this: