Alright, doc, keep your hands where i can see them!

July 30, 2008 at 2:56 pm | Posted in health | Leave a comment
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I walk into the medical district and my skin loses the tan I got from swimming, the slight brownish Filipino pallor I stole from my father, and any dirt that might hide the sudden glaring white that has taken up residence as my face. Doctor visits mean sitting on a papered table (depending on the type of visit, it may be a stirruped table), naked and freezing, while your doctor pulls on latex gloves and decides which part of your body to attack with pokes and prods first. And at the end of the visit, the reward is occasionally a stick in the arm with a needle or two.

I had a gynocologist appointment today to refill my birth control pills before I go off to college. My gynocologist is young, pretty, and nice. I’m just not to fond of her hands. I KNOW where they’ve been. Continue Reading Alright, doc, keep your hands where i can see them!…


Harry Potter, Kris Kringle, and Jesus.

July 26, 2008 at 9:54 pm | Posted in Random Thoughts | Leave a comment
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sorry to burst your hot hair balloon, but that’s no secret.

My mum and I rented the Kate Blanchet movie The Gift. Rating: Eh. About a woman who sees visions.

My mum said, “I believe in ESP. Do you?” “Like what, you can tell what im thinking?” “No. Hightened perception. I believe everyone has it but some are more in tune to it.” “You believe people have visions?” “Yes.” “So you believe Tarot cards work?” “Sure.” Continue Reading Harry Potter, Kris Kringle, and Jesus….

The New Yorker’s Obama ‘oopsie doopsie’?

July 24, 2008 at 10:09 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment
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Alright the whole media world seems to think this is a big deal. Okay. I’ll bite. The New Yorker’s most recent cover ignited the bloggers and news at 11. Every sentient joe with a sense of political or moral compass played the game indignant. Blasphemy!! Democrats howl. Republicans cackled, choosing to ignore the jab at their own political looking glasses. The New Yorker puffed out its chest: it’s satire, we are making fun of you duhh.

If you have no inkling of what I am rambling about…your rock is bigger than mine. And my rock is famously large. It shields me from celebrity relationship statuses and common sense – among other things. The cover in question is a cartoon depicting Obama in Muslim garb in the white house fist bumping his wife who is sporting a major afro and a terrorist -esque gun. Behind them is a framed picture of Osama Bin Laden and an American flag burning in the fireplace.

Every simpleminded negative stereotype is covered in this cartoon. Let’s break it down. Continue Reading The New Yorker’s Obama ‘oopsie doopsie’?…

Shamelessly exploiting YouTube to get my sarcasm across.

July 23, 2008 at 11:36 am | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment
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Significant world (life?) happenings that I may one day – if i find my missing energy and time – write about: The New Yorker (‘s oopsie doopsie?) and Obama campaign.

Continue Reading Shamelessly exploiting YouTube to get my sarcasm across….

The Guild and Dr. Horrible….in your pants.

July 20, 2008 at 11:59 pm | Posted in Cool Things | Leave a comment
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10 online episodes each about 4 minutes. Written by Felicia Day, a Dr. Horrible’s Sing A Long Blog star, The Guild is a complete YouTube lowrent broadcast (with great production quality for a YouTube vid). It centers around six online gaming addicts (presumably to a World of Warcraftesque game) who are all in the same online Guild. The main character, Codex (Day), begins each ep with a vlog mini monologue. Two of Day’s costars she knew previously from improv. The rest of the cast was gathered via casting directer. My favorite character is the neglegent mother, Clara, whose priorities align themselves GAME > life. Episode One begins when Codex finds that her guildmate whom she has been flirting with online is on her doorstep in the (as he calls it) “physical realm”. He did some sketchy internet stalking and found out everything about Codex. “Isn’t that cool?” codex: “yeah. um no, no not really. … You’re in my house….Why are you…here?” Gets funnier every ep.

Continue Reading The Guild and Dr. Horrible….in your pants….

Backseat Dryad performing now! Naming Your Band for Dummies.

July 19, 2008 at 9:04 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment
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Backseat Dryad.

It’s a band name that I cooked up in my head two seconds ago. I quite like it. So I’m documenting.

I have this thing with band names. They’re usually stupid. Naming Your Band For Dummies: 1) think of a noun 2) add this noun to On Rye. (note that 99% of the following examples are real self professed band names most of which I gleaned from a 60s Canadian Garage Band website.)

I decided that if you add anything to On Rye, it works. Naturally the first noun most people (er, at least that is that I)pick for any example (not quite sure why) is Socks. Ergo, SocksOnRye.

Pinnacle on Rye. Backburner on Rye. Mother in Law on Rye. Continue Reading Backseat Dryad performing now! Naming Your Band for Dummies….

Dr. Horrible’s Sing-A-Long Blog

July 18, 2008 at 1:35 pm | Posted in day to day | Leave a comment
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I have never seen Firefly, but I’ve heard a lot about the “best show to ever to be so prematurely canceled”. I plan on buying the DVD. I never saw an entire season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, the cult favorite. Both are Whedon brother creations.

I have seen How I Met Your Mother with supporting actor Neil Patrick Harris as an AWE – wait for it wait for it – SOME character. Continue Reading Dr. Horrible’s Sing-A-Long Blog…

i am not having sex with my car. stop staring.

July 18, 2008 at 12:08 am | Posted in day to day | Leave a comment
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Toyota has some weird safety precautions.

Case: In my car the steering wheel locks (and the key won’t turn) as an apparent anti-theft maneuver. I have no idea what triggers the wheel to lock – only that it locks 1 in every 10 times I get into the car and I’m still not exactly clear which of the many things I end up doing is the magic act to release the thing. What seems to work is turning the wheel as far as possible left or right until the key turns.

Basically, this culminates in many scenes in which I’m stuck in a parking lot or a garage or a driveway rocking side to side over my wheel, grunting and perhaps growling interspersed with some cursing, sweating like a madwoman and in general looking like A) I am making wild cross breed love to a steering wheel  B) trying to steal my own car or C) the crazy person people go home to tell their friends about*. Continue Reading i am not having sex with my car. stop staring….

Old enough to pee in a cup.?

July 14, 2008 at 2:33 pm | Posted in day to day, health | 5 Comments
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I’ve been putting off scheduling a physical all summer. Partly because I didn’t want to hear that I was in too high a percentile which in doctor terms means “I was trying to say this lightly, but…you need to lose weight….fatty.” Something like that. I’m one of those folks that doesn’t like to be poked and prodded, ergo I don’t like doctor visits. MD stands for “I dedicated an insane chunk of my life to learning where to poke and prod your body and exactly how often (too often)”.

I am also still seeing my pediatritian. A man (*selfconsiouscringe*) and a family friend (*selfconsciouscringe*). Not to mention that I am conspicuously the only patient in the waiting room anymore that doesn’t have a parent signing me in and out. I would say I’m the only patient that can see over the front desk but that’s a bit of a stetch even for imagery augmentation. Continue Reading Old enough to pee in a cup.?…

Bookworm, yes. But the fluffy kind.

July 12, 2008 at 9:05 pm | Posted in day to day | 5 Comments

stolen from Tender Lumpling.

This is a list of the 100 most printed books by Big Read. They theorize that the average adult has only read 6 of the books on the list. Compare the 100 most printed Big Read novels to the 100 best-loved novels. Winner, Lord of the Rings. Shakespeare, who dat?

1) Look at the list and bold those you have read.
2) Italicize those you intend to read.
3) Underline the books you LOVE.
4) Bracket books you have started but not finished.
5) Strike books you will never read, barring school or Judgement Day requirements.

*Note: I could indicate that I intend to read ALL of these books. Which would be partly true. I’ve intended to read every book ever published since my seventh grade pact with myself that I would read the entire school library’s fiction collection before I graduated (never happened, though I devoured a few shelves). And while this may tag me as a BAD PERSON, I like to read fluff. I am quite attracted to it. I’m partial to big fluffy romance and action novels. Jane Eyre may write a masterpiece but she’s certainly not a quickie. Continue Reading Bookworm, yes. But the fluffy kind….

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