There is a bug in my house and I will FREAK OUT if I want to.

June 22, 2008 at 10:56 pm | Posted in day to day | 4 Comments
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And this bug is huge. The “I lived at a nuclear plant and was bombarded with radiation which leads us to today where i am obscenely large, scary, leggy, and crawling on your walls” huge.

I have admitted before that shame shame everybody knows my name I am a girl and spiders creep me out. From a recent diary entry:

There is a spider in the downstairs bathtub. It is a quarter and a dime sized. It hasn’t moved in three days. I stare at it every time I go in that bathroom to pee. I have this thing about animals in bathrooms. Ever since I heard (saw?) that story about a woman that sat down on the toilet to pee and didn’t realize that a snake had crawled up through the sewer system and it was now staring at her ass. I am now paranoid about checking the toilet for all sorts of unexpected surprises. I also have this thing about spiders, but that is one of many pathetic qualities (this perhaps the most female of them) that I have woven into my character development.

What you are about to see was not manually tampered with in any way, was taken in real time in my office while I was working on this very computer and somehow found the time to shove my heart back down my throat grab a camera and avoid being beamed up to the Mothership by this alien creature. Don’t let the Zoom fool you. This beast is surely being missed by a scientist somewhere who is informing the government that their latest secret weapon in the making escaped and they’ll have to go back to developing a gas that makes the enemy gay. At the very least it’s taking steroids.

Take me to my happy place.

I know, right?

Um, yes hello I’d like to buy a new house. Immediately.

I’ve seen The Bug at least twice now – once on the floor as seen in the picture and once crawling up the wall by my television – in the last six months (which is quite enough for me thank you. I have to live knowing that I’ll eat at least one spider while I sleep in my lifetime I don’t want to think about (OH GOD IM THINKING ABOUT IT) this thing crawling into my mouth while I — AGHGHHGHGHGHGHHGHGHGHGHHGHGHG.

Excuse me while I buy a hazmat suit to serve as my new pjs.

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4 Comments »

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  1. Okay, that bug is massive.
    Also I just thought I would say that your blog amuses me to no end. On more than one occasion I actually found myself lol-ing.
    So keep writing!

  2. OMG. OMG.
    EWWWWWW
    that bug is disgusting.
    i would jump out the window and have nightmares about that thing if it was in my room. i wouldnt be able to sleep. EVER.
    and i agree with cassandra. your blogs are wonderful :]

  3. Hey,

    Your blog is cool. It’s very entertaining to read your rants (the forums gave me a small taste of this).

    Alright, so I remember seeing this a few times. Once in 8th grade when Tracy pulled out a binder in science and it came out with the binder. The second time was at school on the wall. The third was at my house. After that I actually figured out what it was. As seen on Planet Earth, this is a cave dweller. To be more specific, it is a cave centipede. Now, I could be wrong, but it definitely looks like that one from Planet Earth.

    I’m not sure what that creature is capable of, but I know from 7th grade research, that centipedes are dangerous, and can be really harmful if you’re allergic to them. So… try to take it outside in a container? I’m sure you won’t destroy it as the scientists who lost it might want it back.

    Also, when I found a beetle larvae outside on the Senior Lawn, there were plenty of guys who were really afraid of it (including Kashif). So don’t feel special being the only one afraid of insects.

  4. holy shnikes is that a centipede?!? so creepy. and i thought tennessee was bad at least their legs were all the same size. not like some sort of kiwi-turned-mobile whatever-the-frik-that-is it looks like it’ll be in your purse trying to pose as a gold coin or something


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